So Many Books...

Part of my book collection

I’ve always enjoyed reading.  I remember when I was little reading and re-reading the different nursery rhymes in my favorite books my mother brought for me and my sister.  She was a single mother so some things we just had to share.  I also remember getting the weekly reader order form at school and rushing home to comb through the selection and pick all the books I wanted.  Of course, these books weren’t free and with a single mother on a budget she made sure I knew I was not getting all those books.  The ones I did get I would read through and cherish every moment.  My sister loved Judy Blume’s Fudge series and would pass those down to me.  In elementary and middle school, I became a huge fan of the Baby Sitters Club series.  While some collected comic books I would collect those books and trade with my friends.

In high school and into my twenties, I went through my Afrocentric phase.  My best friend and I would go to the local mall and make a bee line for the black book store, Karibu Books, and stock up on books.  In the back of the store they would have their sale section and you could get books for under $10.  I’d get autobiographies, historical, fiction by new and established authors.  The best thing about Karibu, they would have book signings.  I became almost obsessed with getting my favorite books signed.  My most treasured signed books are by J. California Cooper and Maya Angelou.  Phenomenal women and writers that left us with amazing works of art.

By my late twenties to early thirties, I slowed down my reading considerably.  I guess I found other things more interesting.  However, when my life began to darken I looked to reading as a way to escape my miserable reality.  I was reading books fast and furious which prompted me to purchase a Kindle.  I was reading one to two books a week  which was getting mighty expensive so I had to find a way to watch my spending.  That lead me to exploring the world of self-published writers in Amazon Kindle store.  There I found authors like Colleen Hoover, Tarryn Fisher and Amy Bartol.  They saw me through a lot of days and nights that I didn’t want to face.  I was able to disappear in their worlds and resurface only when necessary aka going to work.

Since then, I’ve started writing my own books that I plan to post at least excepts of in the near future.  My books are contemporary romance novels.  This just makes sense since I’m such a romantic and figure if my soulmate isn’t going to find me this lifetime I can at least write about people finding theirs. Unfortunately, I haven’t written anything substantial in a long time but I am slowing getting back into it.  That is one reason why I have started actively posting to this blog again.  I figured writing here may help me get my creative juices flowing. So far it is working just not in the heavy or organized stream that I had before. While I navigate this new way of writing, I’m going to take this time to get some reading in.

I thought it would be nice to do a summer reading list.  Yes, I know this is kind of late in the summer but better late than never.  Besides, summer reading doesn't have to just happen in the summer.  I read all year and during the chilly seasons are some of the best times to read.  Think about it for sec.  When its cold and rainy you can curl up on the sofa or favorite over sized chair with a nice hot cup of chai, a soft throw and a good book to transport you away.

These are the books on my list for this summer (in no particular order):

1 of 10 The Thief by J. R. Ward (latest book of the Black Dagger Brotherhood Series), Buy at Amazon.com

2 of 10 Traitor Born by Amy Bartol (second book in the Secondborn Series), Buy at Amazon.com

3 of 10 Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, Buy at Amazon.com

4 of 10 We're Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union, Buy at Amazon.com

5 of 10 The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas, Buy at Amazon.com 

6 of 10 Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, Buy at Amazon.com

7 of 10 Fledgling by Octavia Butler, Buy at Amazon.com 

8 of 10 The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang, Buy at Amazon.com

9 of 10 So Close to Being the Sh*t Y'all Don't Even Know by Retta, Buy at Amazon.com

10 of 10 The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton, Buy at Amazon.com

Online Dating at Forty: The Struggle Is Real Pt. 1

I remember being in high school and thinking that by the time I was twenty-five I would be married with two children, a house and a fantastic job that I loved.  It would look something like the Huxtables but with less kids.  Twenty-five seemed so old to me back then. I mean you could spot the guys twenty-five and older when you were out because they looked so…old.  Not older in the sense that he was an attractive man for his age but more like the way you view a dad or uncle.  They seemed so grown up and settled in life and that was far away from where I was. So pretty much I was like John Snow…I knew nothing.

In the blink of an eye I went from eighteen to forty and my life looks nothing like I thought it would when I was a teenager.  Hell, it doesn’t look anything like I thought it would when I was twenty-five, thirty or thirty-five.  I wouldn’t say I was delusional but more so an optimistic hopeless romantic. Well at least I was until I hit forty.  They say life gets better at forty and I can say that you do become more self-aware and confident in who you are.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t really help when you are forty, single and dating.  Oh yeah let’s not forget childless.

So, as you are aware, I moved across the country to a city that was practically the total opposite of what I was accustomed to.  I mean I literally went from Chocolate City to the Whitest City in America.  As a chocolate girl I knew beforehand that I would have to open my dating options a little.  By this I mean dating outside of my race.  That isn’t a scary concept to me as my mother was known for dating a white guy here and there while I was growing up.  My big dilemma was how open would the men in my new city be to date a black woman.  At least I thought that was going to be my biggest dilemma.  It turns out the largest obstacle in this adventures was navigating the online dating landscape.

As a woman that is not photogenic, fat and rocks a resting bitch face, the profile picture is the dream killer. After taking way more selfies than a Kardashian just to obtain one halfway decent photo that looks anything like you do in the mirror on a good day, your self-esteem is now shot to hell and you start to contemplate the pros and cons of being single for the rest of your life because let’s face it, you don't have it in you to take one more picture that hides the bags under your eyes and doesn't make you look as miserable as you feel.

Like the grown forty year old woman that I am, I pull up my big girl panties and select a few pictures that realistically all look the same.  The next step is to start working on my dating profile that will dazzle my prospective suitors.  I equate the agony of writing a dating profile to that of a work resume.  Writing about myself isn’t easy for me hence the sparse blog posts.  Anyway, I come up with something that is honest and a bit witty just to have majority of connections I made ask me questions that I addressed in my profile.  Point being, its all about those damn pictures.

Well, my first date was with a guy we will call Brian. We chatted back and forth online for a couple of days before we exchanged phone numbers.  He had a job, a car and his own place (at this age your requirements become a lot more basic.)  On top of everything he made me laugh.  We agreed to meet at a Thai restaurant for dinner.  I pulled up and my first red flag was he lied about his height.  I’m what you would call a short girl and like most short girls I like a tall guy.  He claimed to be 5’10 but he was more like 5’6.  Not a complete deal breaker but it was noted.  The next flag was that he came to a first date dressed like a bit more casual than I expected.  This was something that I had to adjust to be because my new city is very laid back and outdoorsy.  Again, not a deal breaker as much as it was more a note to self for future dates.

We were seated and the conversation flowed very nicely. He was funny, attentive and easy to talk to.  Towards the end of dinner, I asked him one of my qualifying questions…if he had ever been with a man.  His response was he is sexually fluid.  Say what now?  Yes, that was my response.  Well, this was a few years ago and I was not familiar with that term.  He nicely broke it down for me that he is attracted to who a person is and not their sexual orientation. He also clarified that he had never been in a relationship with a man and he is sexual partner breakdown was 30% male and 70% female. Needless to say, we chatted a few times after that but never saw each other again. He was a nice guy but I don't think we were a match made in online dating heaven. 

So after my first online date, I realized the dating lanscape is way more complex than I anticipated.  Not that I thought it would be easy but it really is a mind fuck.  It's not for the faint of heart and it has taken me through some serious emotional highs and lows.  I've see potential in some that has fed me lies and I broke some hearts in my quest for love.  This is where I am in my life and I have no clue if I will find love in the end.  I just hope in the end of this journey I have some great stories to tell. 

Purposeless at 40

When I turned 35 I started to wonder what it was I wanted to do with my life.  What was my purpose?  What was I passionate about? Sure I had asked myself these questions but at 35 it became almost an obsession.  I found myself asking these questions on a monthly basis.  I found conversations with my friends would surround these two questions because like me they were also struggling to find the answer. 

We found ourselves employed, educated, ‘successful’ but ultimately living an unfulfilled life. We were slowly checking off the list of material accomplishments in a desperate attempt to look and be what we perceived society wanted us to be.  Degree?  Check! Good paying job?  Check!  Nice car? Check!  Nice home?  Check! 

Ultimately, we hit a wall.  When I say we I actually mean me.  I hit the mental wall that made me face what my life really was and how unhappy I was living it.  Don’t get me wrong, life wasn’t a total suck fest but I knew I was meant for more….better.  I mean life is about the pursuit of happiness.  We all want to find our passion and live life to the fullest but the biggest obstacle is how we find that passion.  It should be so easy and yeah maybe I’m just over thinking it.  That wouldn’t be a first.  

So here I am at the age of 40 and still struggling to find the answer that I’m pretty sure is right in front of my face.  Something tells me it is right there and I’m on the verge of discovery but right now it still evades me. Don’t worry, I don’t plan to give up until I find it.

Two Months

It's been a little over a month since I moved and things are going pretty well. Moving across the country on a tight budget was easier than expected.  It wasn't all smooth sailing but it worked out better than I expected.  For example, I shipped majority of my things via Greyhound and when they arrived most of my beloved Rachel Ray Bubble and Brown bakeware was broken along with my solid marble rolling pin.  Yeah you read that right. Talk about pissed off!  Anyway, I had to file a claim with Greyhound Express Shipping which they denied.  Being an Aries and an avid baker, I disputed the decision and they agreed to cut me a check.  I don't know why they make you go through all of that but I'm not the one. 

Some think the Pacific Northwest is known only for its grey sky, rain and high suicide rate.  I see vibrant greens, mountain views and NO HUMIDITY!  Since arriving the weather has been amazing.  Most days are at least partly sunny and rain is more sporadic than consistent. I haven't gotten to explore as much as I would like yet but I'm putting my list of places to visit together.  Pictures will be posted. 

The main thing folks want to know is do I have any regrets about moving.  I can honestly say no.  While I wish I moved sooner I know that life happens the way it's suppose to. It's taken me a long time for that to sink in.  I'm less stressed and optimistic about the future.  Who knew the "dreary" Northwest would be my happy place/zen spot?  

Recap of My Final Week

The hardest part about moving across the country isn't the hassle of packing up your entire life.  It isn't putting your precious belongings into the hands of an unknown shipper and hoping he gets everything to the final destination the way he received them.   It’s not even the fact that I’ll be moving into an apartment that I've only seen pictures of online.  As stressful as that may be, those are inconveniences that over time will be the hilarious stories I’ll share with family and friends.  

 

The hardest part about moving across the country isn't starting over from scratch and worrying that you've made the biggest mistake of your life.  Wondering how you’ll face failure if it comes knocking at your door to point its finger in your face and taunt you with the ‘I told you so’.  No, I can deal with that too because after all failure nothing more than a very steep step and a high jump closer to success.   Everyone’s been there or will experience it at some point in their life.  It may take you a few attempts but your appreciation for the view on the other side is well worth the stumbles and falls. 

For me, the hardest part about moving across the country will be the distance it puts between me and my family and friends.   No more popping up on my mother to see how she is doing.  No random weekday lunches with my aunt.  No  more last minute plans with the BFF or checking out a movie with my sister and cousin on a Sunday morning.  No, things won’t be the same.  Connecting will require a bit more coordination and planning and I’m willing to do that.  We’ll text, call, Skype, and FaceTime until we are face-to-face again and able to share a hug and another meal together.

During my last week, between packing, miscellaneous errands, more packing,  an airline mandated vet visit and a much needed hair appointment,  I will spent time with family and friends.  While I may not get to see everyone before I fly out, it doesn't change how I feel about them.  I am truly thankful for the support my family and friends have shown, even ifthey didn't agree with or understand my decision to move.

Yes, it is sad and scary leaving everything that you know behind but change isn't all bad.  There is the excitement of discovering the unknown, the wide eyed wonder that comes with exploring a new city, region and coast.  The opportunity to start over fresh in a new space and the chance to redecorate (mid-century modern is my look this go around).   

Deep down I know this is what I’m meant to do at this stage of my life.  I don’t know how things will turn out but I’m excited for the journey ahead. 

8 Days Left…..Holy S#!&

It’s funny how we handle stress differently depending upon the situation. At work, I’m pretty calm under pressure. My motto is to never let them see you sweat. Note, this does not apply to foolishness. On the flip side, stress management in my personal life is a complete 180. Let’s just say my fuse is short and the explosion is usually unexpected, intense and widespread. Hmmm…this might explain why I’m single. Wait! We’ll delve into that some other time.

Anyway, to date, my moving plans have gone pretty smoothly. I've secured housing, booked my flight, reserved space with the airline for my dog, scheduled my utilities to be turned on, transferred car insurance and I even scheduled a doctor’s appointment. I’m pretty on point right? Well…not so fast. You see, I still have to pack up my belongings at my family’s place where I’m staying and ship my things that are in storage. I also haven’t received a ship date for my car.

Most folks would say it isn't a big deal because I still have 8 days to get it all together. Yeah, yeah that may be true but when you are a planner eight days is the equivalent to the 11th hour. So, this month I anticipate gaining a record amount of weight due to stress killing my already snail’s pace metabolism. Despite it all, I will relax, relate and release because my new adventure will begin in just EIGHT short days.

That is truly something to be excited about!

Everything Happens in Threes

They say everything happens in threes.  Regardless of its good or bad.  Well, today I’m the poster child.  My string of unfortunate events was kicked off this past Sunday when I got home from dinner with my family.  I’m not a cellphone addict.  Like everyone else I misplace it for a very short period of time but I never lose it and I’m pretty good at keeping it in proper working condition.  Can’t make that claim anymore.  It wasn’t until I went to make a call that I realized I couldn’t find my phone.  I searched outside and in the car but nothing.  While I was outside, I spotted a spot closer to my house and decided to move my car.  Lazy?  Maybe but judge me later.  Right now let’s focus on the missing phone. 

 

Anyway, I went back into the house to check again and still no sign of the phone.  My next option was to use the Find My Phone app on my iPad.  I quickly realized that was a bust as it displayed my phone was offline.  Son of a Witch!  My last ditch effort was to break out the flash light and retrace my footsteps outside again.  There it is!  Face down in the road.  I could see there was dirt on the grooves on the back of my textured case.  Not a good sign.  When I picked it up and turned it over I noticed the screen was cracked.  Yep, either myself or someone else drove over my phone but my beloved iPhone still worked.  GO APPLE!!  One down two to go.

 

The second bad thing came in the mail this morning in the form of an unexpected bill.  I’ll spare you the details as I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one.  Oy Vey!!!  That brings us to magic number three.  As I stepped off the elevator with my lunch bag, jacket and keys in hand my keys slipped from my fingers and right down the sliver of space between the floor and the elevator.  I stood there and looked down the dark space and listened as my keys fell four flights down the elevator shaft.  In my head, I was doing the dramatic fall to my knees and scream ‘NO’ at the top of my lungs but the sophisticated lady that I am simply turned around and mumbled a few choice curse words multiple times as I frantically searched for our office facilities associate, Jermaine.   

 

Now, as I sit here waiting for building maintenance to sashay over and retrieve my keys, I focus on what is ahead of me because if everything really does happen in 3s my luck should be on the upswing from here on out.  Right?